


Empty Mirror

by mabariis



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Catharsis, Child Abandonment, Child Neglect, Gen, Sharing, Talking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, mentions of:, some light flirtation because Niles, two assholes stop pretending to be assholes long enough to be genuine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-23 05:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21314848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mabariis/pseuds/mabariis
Summary: An "extra card" talks to "nobody" about the ways they may match.
Relationships: Joker | Jakob & Zero | Niles
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Empty Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> A fic-formatted version of my thread here: https://twitter.com/cornkobs/status/1191402201035530240?s=19

It was a quiet corner of camp Jakob found himself in, gazing out towards a horizon that didn't really exist. The teacup he'd carefully brought with him was raised to his lips more out of reflex than desire, preoccupied as he was with his thoughts. The sound of footsteps was enough to give him pause, and he set his cup back down.

"Niles," Jakob said, not bothering to look over his shoulder as the archer approached. "Do you know what it is like, growing up with the knowledge that the only thing keeping you from a lonely death is performing everything asked of you, and doing so well?"

Niles scowled, placed uncomfortably on the defensive, even as he joined the butler in sitting and staring off. "So, you think you know me, then?"

There was one quiet, barely perceptible laugh, and the ghost of a bitter smile on Jakob's lips. "Interesting, seeing as I just described myself, once upon a time." He took a sip of tea and continued before Niles could quip again.

"That's why it's so much easier to put on an act, like no one else matters, right? So it will hurt less when they turn on you."

"...Is that what you think." Niles didn't pose it as a question. 

Jakob didn't miss a beat. "Don't you?"

Niles' scowl only etched deeper, gritted teeth parting for a bite of his own. "You said you've been with our little leader since you were children, no? How _ hard _ a life that was, I'm sure, playing house with coddled royalty inside a safe, precious palace." The venom he laced it with was unmistakable.

And yet Jakob laughed. Niles was starting to hate the sound of Jakob's laughs.

"Oh, yes, truly picturesque, being sequestered in a fortress out surrounded by nothing!" He shot back. "The isolation was a _ treat _ , let me tell you. _ Quite _ the vacation spot." 

Sarcasm. Charming.

"...But you are right, that I was lucky to have someplace to stay. I owe that all to my liege." His voice softened. "That's why I endured everything, started learning as much as I could - so if all else failed, at least I'd always be useful." His sigh was almost nostalgic. "Always that little worry..."

Niles grew more uncomfortable by the minute. What was his motive? "Why are you telling me this?"

"Hm? Oh, I'm just talking, to no one in particular. Isn't that right?" This time, Jakob looked at Niles.

"Bite me."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you."

There was a beat of silence between them.

"Putting that aside-" 

Jakob choked on his tea.

"-I do want an answer."

Jakob seemed to think over his words. ".....Do you ever grow tired of it, Niles? The effort of keeping up the act?"

"No more questions," Niles snapped. "Not until you answer mine."

"That's what I'm doing."

He continued, voice weary with years he didn't have. "I find myself so tired of it sometimes. It takes so much energy. It feels even less worth it when I get the sense the person I'm speaking with has similar walls of their own."

Niles paused. "....I don't want to talk about that."

Jakob sipped his tea again. "That's fine."

"So, what, you want to get me to 'lower my walls' for you? That's awfully demanding."

"You may do as you like, Niles. I'm merely relaxing mine, just for a little bit."

Silence hung between them for a moment.

"You may ask questions, if you wish."

Niles barely wasted a second. He needed to find his footing in this flow again. "Your parents."

"Abandoned me. Next."

Niles swung his head to stare at Jakob, surprisingly incredulous all things considered. "That's it?!"

Jakob seemed to bristle at this. "What more is there to say?! Two nobles had a child, decided they didn't care, and left him on a castle doorstep. That's the extent of it."

Nobility. Now that was something that, normally, Niles would grasp onto, refine into a sharp barb to fire back - but something about this atmosphere made him hold off.

Instead, he said, "I'm sorry."

Jakob tried to not let his surprise show in his tone. "Yes, well. It just meant going from one place no one cared for me to another. Not until..."

"And becoming a servant?"

His laugh didn't sound as bad this time, though it carried something sad still. "It was hardly a choice. I was horrible at it. And hated it. And all the other servants resented me. Really, not much different from my old home." There was that bitter smile again. "And I would have met the same fate, if not for-"

"I understand."

Niles leaned back, propping himself up with his hands. "So you gave your all for someone who made you feel...safe. Is that it?"

Jakob fell quiet. "Well. Yes."

"I see. That's something valuable."

Niles did his best to ignore the stare he knew he was getting, something confused and pained and understanding. The last part being the hardest to stomach. Jakob turned back to his distance gazing.

"...That's why I was willing to go through hell, to keep that place."

"How many hells do we have to pass through?" Niles murmured. "Before we've 'earned' that."

"Hm?" Jakob turned to him again.

"You say you went through hell, but what were the experiences you just told me?" Niles replied. "Were they not hell in their own right?"

"...I suppose."

"I hate it. That some of us get forced through them more than others."

"Some of us?" Jakob raised an eyebrow.

Niles wagged a finger at him. "_ Ah-ah-ah _, you're not undressing me that far yet." His return to flirtatious double-meanings in the midst of all this deep talk was...comforting, to Jakob, somehow.

Jakob set his teacup down upon a saucer previously kept out-of-sight. "It's just as well. I'm sure my liege will be expecting afternoon tea, so I should take my leave." He stood, brushing himself off. "Anything you'd like to say before we return to our normal ways?"

Jakob expected one last question, some curiosity to be satisfied. He waited, wondering what he'd be asked to answer. 

"Tomorrow. If you come here again. Perhaps...I'll lower mine. Just a bit."

Jakob blinked a few times in surprise, but he knew better than to call attention to the offer. 

"...Thank you for listening, Niles."

Niles nodded once, keeping part of his back to Jakob. "Your trust is...appreciated."

"Well, then." Jakob picked up his teacup, body language back to stiff and straight-laced. "I must be going. I have important things to attend to, unlike _ some _ people here."

"Yes, yes, run off to your master, little lapdog." Niles waved his hand dismissively. "Good riddance!"

The script was the same. The smiles were new.


End file.
